New Years. =]

You stole my new years kiss last year...

This year you are seven states away.

You can't have it three years in a row. =]

My niece

Why does simply holding a baby make my heart hurt? Why do thoughts of him come back? holding my niece all through her first Christmas made me heart ache for one of my own...to start my own family to make up for my lack...But he hates kids. Lol that's a fact...
And I want nothing to do with him anymore...
But still...
Holding Alayna makes me wish...
For crazy things.

What i left behind...

When i went to school I knew exactly what it was I was leaving...According to someone I love it was a situation that would have broken most other people 19 years ago. But it didnt break me. I just wanted out....now im back in the middle of it. Again im feeling the distance, the fear, the hopelessness. And then there is HIM. That idiot who I left here....have I really changed that much? Has he? What was that kiss? I used to want it..but I hated that... I actually didnt want it...which confuses...Im not everything he needs, I never was...

What did i leave at school? People who care. They actually like me for me.  I really miss Kate, and Jamiere...and how could I not miss Matt, Justin, and Meeder....Maybe this is growing up...or maybe its finally getting a family...

strange...

I am home,
this is my home right?
It has been for a couple years.
But i feel like im only visiting.
Has that place become my new home?
I miss those people all ready.
Yes, all of them. i know i will see them soon and i have people here...right?
But it feels like a part of me is still in that dorm room with them...

Well then....

Where do we go from here?
What when do i start to care?
Who is on the other end of my stare?
Why must all of this come to and end?
Will there be a point beyond friend?
But is there a point in trying to defend?
A heart, a soul, with whom i will pretend.
We hope in tomorrow, and will one day,
Someday, find our way.

Today...

is my
day to be Bold
Intended day to win
day to be a Radical change
Triumphant victory over age
Have as much fun as possible
Dedicate myself
Act like there is no pain
Yield and let the Lord have it.

nineteen years around the sun, nineteen years that belong to Him. =]

Age...

Its really a relative thing...
Its how we act, or how long we've been alive...
Am i getting old?
My mum asked me what i wanted for my birthday,
which i just realized is in six days....
And for the first time since i could point at things....
I didnt have an answer...
I dont even really care about my birthday...
its cool and all...but what if no one remembers or celebrates?
I dont think that would cause my world to end...
but whats scary.....
is i dont want to grow up.
How can i do one thing so adult...
But yet always act like a kid?
......I dont want to  grow up....

what if...

i fail?
.....ill never make it anywhere.
....ill be stuck here.
..Ill get nowhere.
...ill end up at square one....

This thing they say,
It lasts but a day.
This day is a decade.
All my heart earns is a shade of jade.
I cant do this anymore.
I wish God would tell me whats instore.....

You think...

that im funny?
That i have no fears.
That ill cry no tears.
But,
Heres the hitch,
A little glitch....
You are my fear...
You might cause tears...
When your around I try to play it off cool,
But i am always afraid that i will look like a fool.
The thought that you dont care rips my heart.
That goooney grin puts it back together.....


i didnt come here to find someone,
that was my last intent.....but
You stare...its enchanting....
I feellike a creep......
Do you even like me? at all? as a friend?
as more? no that cant be...
look at her.....shes so perfect....
im so...
not

paper time...but wait..that...

looks cool. oh so does that! OH! that will only take a minute...
This is why i never get stuff done,
i need....
...structure..
...to be completely to my own devices...
..to focus...
...a job...
.....so God time....
...and for that maintenance guy to stop hollerin...
......help?

Now, to business....and bed

So quick recap. I'm 19, going to college and I want to be a science teacher. There is no room there for writing. I want to use this to show off my works and from time to time vent a little about life. =] Life right now? Kinda cloud nine. But neither here nor there. Here's a quick taste....


The frayed edges around,
That missing button,
Third one down.
I'm not sure what it means.
But to see you with it,
Paired with those jeans?
It makes my heart want to fly,
Just 'cause you could be "that guy"
We now are friends,
But who knows how this fairytale ends?

Thats how it goes. No real rhyme, rhythm or reason. Just words. Just life. =]

SSOOO....

Yeah, ima apologize to Kate cause i now have a blog....I made fun of her for having one. Oh well, there goes any life i used to have. I think im gunna use this to write poems..well to get my poems out there. In the world. The world wide web, which about the same. Either way, its mad big. Well enjoy it =]
~Kate