Rain

Stinging in my eyes,
all your condescending lies.
I know that you aren't honest,
I know that you aren't generous.
You left me behind.
A shadow of a line.
You'll never know the pain,
of watching everything turn gray.
To know that your attempts were in vain,
To see the sky give way,
the the stinging rain.

Ghosts come back

We went separate ways.
You left me in a haze.
You were older, wiser,
more.
You told me you respected me more,
More than any other woman.
I had thoughts,
A brain.
Compassion.
You told me news and my face became ashen.
She was like all the others.
You could use her and toss her aside.
But you wanted to be with her,
Not me....

~two years later~
A message.
Simple.
Short.
Sweet.
You notify me that you will be visiting.
Not your closest bros.
Not her.
But me...
How can I confront you.
And me.
No buffers.

Not possible

Hey I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But your super cool.
And don't stop messaging me okay? =]

Possible professional?

So, I might have gotten a wedding gig. Ya, know, to take pictures of. <3
Things seem to fall completely apart before getting 200x better.
Well, this sunburnt and over exhausted body should sleep.
Text me if you want life updates!

The doors are locked,
On the closet where I keep my ghosts.
There are more than there where,
Ever since you and her.
The locks are bigger now,
I can live without.
Things are coming together.
I know without a doubt. =]

Lies.

You lies. ALL of you. The only words that you never said were the ones I needed. This shouldn't have gone on for weeks without me knowing. That is called betrayal. It's a mean thing. I can't believe you people. You are the ones I considered my "best friends" full and complete trust. Well. You are black listed. From 90 miles away the lies STILL HURT! the funnier thing is that the ONLY reason either one of you said ANYTHING was because the two of you go into a fight and wanted to get to me before the other one did, so that YOU looked like the noble one. Well, get off it. I'm the only one here that is hurting.

books of faces

Scrolling through pages,
Looking into lives
I remember where I have been
and before me what lies.
I know my own past,
Sad that it had to end.
But remember now,
You can never be my friend.

Words. Are everywhere

Ups and downs,
Are all around,
Addictive personalities,
Educating faculties.
Words spin in my head,
Never find an end.
I want to stand above,
To just spread.
The peace, joy and love.

I, yup, I have no clue

In piety I spoke,
In anxiety I act.
Through words and love,
My plan I enact.
To keep you raised up.
In my heart,
On my tongue.
I want to keep you,
In my mind, eyes, path
Stay with me forever.
May I beg or plead?

something thrown together ages ago

Between a rock and a hard place,
glory can be found,
 I've spent days waiting for you to look around.
To catch my eye, to hold my stare,
 and just once more ,
run fingers in my hair.
I try to stay calm,
not crack under pressure.
But with you next to her,
i feel regrets i no longer measure.
I want to fight on in this war,
To win your affection.
Curious if my heart will heal from your infection.

It's a stage

I'm not what You think I am,
A swirling rainbow of love and life,
Looking into my eyes you can tell.
The tears slowly begin to well.
I dance around, appear so free.
But there are shackles you can't see.
I try my best,
just as hard as I can.
To act out the part,
The role you think i am.

Stressful disstress

Groceries, candles, glitter glue.
Thinking of me and you.
Certain uncertainties pounding in my chest.
Frustration and doubts my eyelids will never see
Pounding resounding all inside my head.
My mind is shot,
My nerves have frayed.
My usual calm dismayed.
Three more days and it will all be done.
Three more days until the storm's calm.
I can make these three more days..
I just hope my spirit feels the same.

lists

I keep a list.
Of pros and cons.
Locked in my heart, way down deep.
The cons go on an on.
Tell me to stop and quit.
The pros has one word.
You.
The pros always seem to out way the cons.
<3

Scars

When you're torn into bits,
burns, cuts, hits.
You can't think they will leave.
They eventually close.
Tender, sore, scarlet scabs
Just a patch of lighter skin.
discolored, puckered, obscure
Clearer when I'm tan,
It no longer hurts.
But its there as a reminder of things that do.
If I lift up my sleeve.
Roll back a pant leg.
You cant see the ones from you.
Those are on my heart,
For I alone to bear.
They help me remember,
No longer I cry.
I flip through the memories without even a sigh. 
These scars on my heart take time to heal.
Longer than my face or arm.
Those scars take two to fix.
They no longer hurt as bad,
There numbers arent few
No thanks to you.
But he has helped,
where you have maimed.

just a rant of sorts

Finally. After so much time of abuse and being used. I can finally be happy and have a normal relationship. Built around Christ and love. It makes me so happy. Finally I can be happy and free. There are so many things that are going on, but I am so happy that you are here with me. The scariest thing to me is that soon enough I will be going into the world without having a clue. But if the person beside me is you then it is completely okay. I honestly and earnestly love you. For everything that you are and are not. You accept me as flawed, damaged, and broken as I may seem. This is for you and to us. I hope everything goes well for the rest of our time. <3
Katelyn Elizabeth and  Andrew James

A little poetry at 2:38 am =]

Hanging on that tree,
He made a simple cry.
He didn't ask to be taken down, let go quickly or simply die.
He looked at the sky and said
"Dad, don't blame them, They ain't. Got. A Clue.
Forgive and love them, cause they dont know what they do.
If they did then they'd know, This aint me. It's you."
Hands pegged and feet torn
He suffered a fate
Meant for the low of the low, the worst of the worst.
It was meant for me. It was meant for you.
But perfection's a funny thing
Only came around once.
It came for one purpose One mighty goal it did fill.
There is one reason behind this lovliness we did kill.
That one day we may fall before that trees base.
On our knees we fall and God we must face.
One thing will spread among us sinners alike.
The feeling of His grace will make it all right
It makes me sing as I kneel I can shout.
Come to the cross, there is room throughout.

A Real Home

I am back where I belong.
Friends that love me and care.
I am surrounded with who I need.
And a spark of something.
Yes, no more the hiding child.
I have come home.

It's surreal

We spoke.
Sorta.
We used to talk all the time.
Last weekend I barely saw you
Today I didn't,
Until you told me I looked nice,
Then i just went back to talking to your little brother
Who is more my brother than yours.
You are officially my past.
And thats where I will keep you.
And finally, I am OK with that.